full circle 2

Full Circle because when i started work at the refuge 7 yrs ago I had just exited a family situation which was abusive. I was to discover that many workers in DV had a similar family experience - you now you are drawn to what it is that you know. This was a revelationary time for me as in the workplace and in training I was learning the theory of what I had lived for 20 odd years. The cycle of violence http://www.police.qld.gov.au/programs/crimePrevention/dv/Cycle.htm and the power and control wheel http://www.nnsvs.org.nz/images/generic/power_control_wheel_eng.gif were tools we used to teach women trapped in the cycle of abuse and trying to escape Dv situations to become aware of the the nature of this misuse of power.It also helped women understand how they gave their power away to the abuser and how the situation also trapped their children in this cycle. I had lived this for many years as had my children.

So i had packed up and moved, as many women do often many times, back to my mother's home primarily for financial reasons. I simply could not afford to provide a home for my children and keep everything going  - and there were many things going on at that time. I learned the tactics which abusers use and saw it being lived out in other women's lives as I ad experienced. I witnessed the struggle women endured to ensure their children weren't disadvantaged by living in a single parent household, essentially denying the other parents involvement in their daily lives. I witnessed the grief and loss attached to the family unit. I recognised and witnessed the judgment of women who had lived this terror in silence, this judgment came from refuge workers in different and often subtle ways, police, family and the greater community. This was shocking for me to witness and it was something that I found very difficult to challenge - when I did of course I inevitably alienated myself from other workers.